


Stay the Night? (Please)

by curlsborealis



Category: Naruto
Genre: AND NOW I’M BACK, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Fuck Canon I Do What I Want, Fucking quarantine got me crawling back to naruto, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I WAS FREE, I can’t help it, Insomnia, I’m just having soft gay thoughts about these kids, M/M, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden, Soft kissing, Uzumaki Naruto Has Issues, bi naruto uzumaki, they need love and I love them, uzumaki naruto is bi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24616489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlsborealis/pseuds/curlsborealis
Summary: He failed to save Sasuke, found Gaara’s dead body, lost control and hurt the people closest to him. Uzumaki Naruto is having bad dreams at night, the weight of his “failures” weighing heavy on his psyche. What happens when he’s invited inside by an old friend.
Relationships: Gaara/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 9
Kudos: 106





	Stay the Night? (Please)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nat_cat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nat_cat/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy. I did write this instead of sleeping sooooo. I’m so sorry. [Twitter](https://twitter.com/transandbored), [Tumblr](https://curlsborealis.tumblr.com/), and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/curlsborealis/?hl=en).

Pale light mixed with synthetic yellow poured into a wooden floored room, thin white curtains pulled back to expose the sleeping star fished body. His skin had a brassy complexion, tawny and sandy at first glance until looking closer to reveal roughness lining his body with thin near imperceptible scars and callouses, hard work lining his skin like a map outlining his life. His eyes flickered behind clenched closed lids, his face scrunched up as a pained noise slipped from his throat. Sweat dripped down his cheek, his cheeks splotchy, tears coloring and staining them with tracks of red. Blonde tresses, usually bright and gold, stuck to his forehead like sticky deadened clumps of wheat; hair flattened and mussed, sticking out in the back like spikes of dead grass. Chills and shivers wracked up and down his body in waves of crawling pain as he turned over into a needy fetal position, a frown pinching his face as another pained noise scratched out from quaking lips.His hand gripped onto thin sheets, knuckles white and shaking from his death grip, the fabric scrunching under his fingers as the threads creaked from stress and strain.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispered in his sleep. Uzumaki Naruto, leaf Shinobi, he was curled up on his bed, tears slipping down his face in splotchy trails. The fabric of his shirt stuck to his skin, sheets tangled up around his legs, teeth digging into the skin of his lips as more noises hit the air. “It wasn’t— I would never please... please...”

_Everything was dark, the world around him dim and hazy like the edges of a dying memory. He stood on a hill, all alone. No not alone, he was surrounded on all sides by voices and whispers, by the shadows of people who would never reveal themselves. He was all alone, or rather alone by himself in their eyes, the only one the center of attention. Negative, dehumanizing, mocking attention. One voice spoke out, louder than the others, more familiar. Accusing, barbing, pointed with harsh focus on the source of misery, on the monster wearing human skin._

_“It was you...” his voice was loud and echoing, Captain Yamato exposing the jinchuriki for his rage blinded sins. “You were the one who hurt Sakura, Naruto.”_

_A memory, bright and focused, making sure the young man wouldn’t miss a single detail of the harm he caused. Her skin was burnt, sizzling, her green eyes darkened with pain as she Fincher and wince at the sting of chakra poisoning her body. One of the greatest medical ninjas, one specialized and trained by a Sannin, and not even she could heal the stripes burned into her pale skin. They stayed there for days. Stinking, black, dirty. Dangerous. Poison. Poison. Poison. Her green eyes met blue, mouth moving but the voice that came out wasn’t her’s._

_“Naruto... you don’t remember a thing...?”_

_Sakura bubbled away, her body fading into slashes of blood and spittle as the old man coughed out the red liquid from his ruined lungs. His chest was bleeding, clothes stained as crimson as the paint on his face. He was sweating so much it looked like he was crying blood, synthetic red mixing with organic as drips streamed down in thick heady droplets, the Pervy Sage an element of human exhaustion propped up against mass destruction... carnage. Broken trees, roofs, building, crumbled and burnt landscapes; wrecked buildings that just minutes, ours before were strong and sturdy, now nothing more than ruins... rubble. Gravel made out of people’s homes, jobs, livelihoods. How many. How many suffered? How many died? Innocent, they were all innocent. Jiraiya was too, his mentor was supposed to be training him. Making him better. But he was worse, worse, so much worse with so much power._

_Naruto stared at Jiraiya, his body couldn’t move. He was shaking, trembling, crying. What did he do? What has he done? He looked down at his hands. His hands... they were bleeding. Bloody, red, dripping the dark liquid with an audible splatter as it hit the grass below him. At his feet, at the roots of an old tree he knows far too well. The flat wooden body of a swing pressed between his legs as his forehead rested against the scratching burn of a rope._

_“Hey that kid... he shouldn’t become a Shinobi. He is...”_

_No._

_“He is...”_

_No. Stop it._

_“I heard he’s the only one who didn’t graduate.”_

_I’m sorry I did. Maybe if I didn’t—_

_“Good. He shouldn’t become a Shinobi. Because that boy is.”_

_I’m sorry. It’s not my fault!_

_“The nine tailed demon fox... that killed Iruka’s parents and destroyed the village.”_

_I’m sorry! I’m not a monster! I’m not the demon! I’m just the one carrying him please, it’s not my fault! I’m not a monster! Please. Please..._

_Believe me._

_“You’re not a monster?”_

_Naruto looked up. When did he get on his knees? When did he cover his ears? When did the world turn dark? Where... where was he? His eyes landed on a gate, a tall iron gate. Prison, cell. Nothing but a seal keeping it shut. Behind the gate... eyes. Red eyes. The color of blood, crimson. The color staining the Pervy Sage’s clothes, the color of Sakura’s wounds, the color of his hands. Behind that gate... was the fox._

_“You’re not a monster?”_

_That voice._

_“Are you sure?”_

_That voice!_

_“Wouldn’t you say a monster...”_

_No way. No. No. No. No, please no stop. Bubbling all around, a figure emerging from the depths of darkness. It wasn’t trapped by the cage. No, the figure, humanoid, made of pure malevolent energy popping before him with sizzles that smelled like sulfur._

_“...is someone who hurts his friends. His companions.”_

_His own eyes popped out from the bubbling miasma of red chakra. He was staring down at himself, trapping him there. A fanged smile stretched across his shadow’s face, blood dripping from his teeth._

_“Iruka. Jiraiya. Sakura. Your own village. Even Sasuke... Gaara. How many Naruto. How many people will you hurt, drive away, harm? You act so bold and noble. Would a Hokage ever turn around and hurt his people? Endanger them just by existing? Fail to save his friends?”_

_Naruto tried to reply, explain. It wasn’t his fault, please, he didn’t mean to. His voice died in his throat, burning away with a croak. No words. No words came out, pained silence was all he could respond with, all he could give the monster wearing his face._

_“You know the answer, Naruto. Deep down inside, you know. You know full well.”_

_I just..._

_“You should’ve never become a Shinobi.”_

_I just wanted to prove myself!_

_“Oh Naruto,” his shadow reached out, with a purring_ hungry _voice_ _grabbing his chin between its fingers, squeezing, pressing, threatening to crush him in its grip. “A monster has no right to prove himself. Not when all he does is cause suffering.”_

_The leaf ninja stared into those burning red eyes, shaking in its grip. Those eyes, colored like fire, burning with desire for death and destruction. They took over his world, dragged him underwater into a world burning like the final strike of a sunset. Flames licked his face, his lungs stuttering and choking on smoke as he breathed in the scent of decaying flesh and rotting corpses— wait. Smoke? Naruto grabbed at his throat, wheezing with pain, lungs peeling and crackling in his heaving rib cage like kindling popping in a fire pit. Tears welled in his eyes, Naruto shutting his normally sparkling azure orbs with a violent wince. The moment he looked away, that same hand grabbed his face, forcing him to look, watch, listen as the screams of his home created a scratching deafening cacophony grating on his senses._

_“You will watch. Because, Naruto...”_

_Sakura... Kakashi-Sensei... Iruka-Sensei... Pervy Sage... Granny..._

_“this is destiny...”_

_He could hear them, see them all. The rookie nine. Their Sensei. All of them, broken, bloody. The landscape of konoha barely recognizable through the craters and charred rubble. Through the broken bodies and the blood. Carnage. Absolute carnage and destruction. The village demolished and left in broken pieces as if Konohagakure wasn’t bustling alive but rather the remains of an ancient torn down civilization no more alive than the ghosts of the past. Than Zabuza... Haku... they were dead too. But not even a demon like Zabuza hurt his most trusted companion. What did that make—?_

_“...for a monster like you.”_

_He was forced to his knees, before him was a pile of rubble and bodies. His friends, companions, kids like Konohamaru. So young, they were all so young. He reached out, hoping to grab onto something, anyone, hoping against hope that his allies were still alive despite the way their bodies were stacked one on top of the other like kindling. How many will he fail to save? How many will die because he’s not enough, or worse because he’s too much? A pale hand was stretched out farther than the other, tattered red cloth fluttering around his thin wrist. A shock of red hair stood out against the black of his brother’s suit. Gaara. Of course Gaara was here too, he was the first to die... and Naruto was useless again. Even though he started to lose control, he wasn’t enough._

_“Uzumaki Naruto... A monster of monsters. You’ll kill them all.”_

_Please no. I won’t. He dragged Gaara out, he was alive he saved him. He knows he saved him. Naruto clutched the dead bodies of his friends close, unaware of the shadowy figure standing above him with a hungry, bloodied grin. Blue eyes opened slowly, tears streaming down his face as his face crumpled with pain. He looked up, trembling with fear and terror. A squelching noise filled the air, the sound of a body reluctantly parting before sharp claws, Gaara’s eyes flying open as a bloodied hand emerged from his stomach. Naruto’s hand, his own hand. Eyes, one red, the other blue stared at him, sharp, fanged grin deepening the whispers on his cheeks._

_“And you won’t even remember. Because all you are is rage.”_

A muffled sob burst from trembling lips, a scream pressed into the fluff of his pillow. Reddened eyes popped open, the tears continuing to drip down his face, pooling in the fabric of his pillowcase. Dark bags weighed heavy under his blue eyes, the usually sky bright iris darkened to the color of stormy seas poisoned with the dirt of pollution. Nightmares... or maybe night terrors would be a better descriptor. They were almost constant now, ever since the second failed attempt to bring Sasuke back from Orochimaru’s clutches. Ever since he grew his fourth tail for the second time. He hurt the two people closest to him, the third now almost eternally out of range... Shame, self hatred, the burning toxin of failure welled deep in the pit of his stomach.

“Can’t seem to do anything right anymore,” he griped, glowering at the threads of his bedsheet. Holes were scratched into the fabric, threads were pulled out and sticking up with frayed edges. Shivers continued to crawl up and down his skin, goosebumps raising the fine hairs on his body as his sweat started to dry under the blast of cool air from the air conditioning unit. No matter how high he cranked it, he always woke up sweaty and tear stained, heated under his collar and cold from all the sweat. Every night, every damn night, the same dream over and over, on repeat and it never got easier. Naruto clenched his eyes shut again, the memories of his dream surfacing like some kind of chronic rash.

A hiss of anger slips out from Naruto’s lips, the genin rolling out of bed and falling into a push up. He wasn’t going to get anymore sleep for the rest of the night, every time he closed his eyes he’d see the same broken, burning, bloodied Konohagakure. Over and over, sizzling behind his eyelids, burrowed into his retina. He told Granny Tsunade that he wasn’t going to give up, he stopped crying because he knew that wasn’t going to help get them closer to Sasuke when Sakura was crying too. He smiled and brushed it all off but Naruto couldn’t help but dwell on his powerlessness to save his friend despite the sheer destructive energy welling in his body that was able to scar his mentor, burn his teammate, terrify the villagers of his home after killing his oldest sensei’s parents. Demon. A true demon.

 _‘Damnit!’_ The push ups weren’t working. Unsurprising considering they stopped working days ago, not even the burn in his arms was enough to distract his mind. He flopped over to immediately start doing crunches. All of his focus was zoned in on just getting stronger, stronger, powerful but in the way he could control it. Powerful so he wouldn’t hurt anyone else precious to him ever again. The memory of Jiraiya curled over as blood poured from his chest and mouth flashed through Naruto’s mind. He flipped up to his feet, cursing out another swear from under his breath with a curl of his lip, clothes hastily pulled on before he opened his window. A late night jog. That would make it better, just a quick late night jog and he’d be better.

That’s all.

The air was bitingly crisp, cold against his sweat soaked skin but wholly soothing after his dream. Naruto starting moving, his lungs stinging with every puff of sharp air. It was a nice distraction, the blonde jinchūriki picking up speed and moving faster and faster until he was sprinting all out, jumping from rooftop to rooftop, dropping down onto hand rails and over balconies. Wind rushed through his hair his unzipped jacket snapping behind him as the wind pierced through the thin cotton of his shirt to sting the tawny body beneath. Feeling the rush and pump of his arms and legs, the tapping sound of his shoes against metal and stone, the way chakra pooled into him when he prepared to jump up to the second story of a building.

Pushing. Pushing. Constantly, pushing, working harder to move faster so he could hit that runner’s high and even just briefly purge his thoughts. He wasn’t running from his nightmares, he wasn’t, he was training when he couldn’t find the energy to sleep and his own subconscious took advantage of his lowered guard in a way no genjutsu could. Everything in his mind felt too loud and crowded, even in the dead of night with only the moon hanging above him. There was a pounding in his temples under his skull, Naruto caught between the rushing pump of his heart and the way dark thoughts whirled in the back of his flashing and fluttering mind. “Hyperactive knucklehead ninja,” if only they knew, Naruto was only hyperactive because there were always too many things in his head. He could never think clearly unless there was something he could focus wholeheartedly on, unless there was something he could use as a focal point: training, becoming better, the best, someone who would no longer be a liability to everything he cared for.

Naruto stopped running, losing track of where exactly he was after letting his legs and feet simply carrying him wherever they willed. Pants escaped parted lips, the Shinobi bent over with his hands on his knees, more sweat dripping down his face. He had no idea how long he ran for, how long he pushed himself, just that after a while everything just seemed to blur together into nothing more than a haze. Bright eyes looked up, the sky inky like deep blue despite the brightness from the moon, edging all around was a dim glow radiating from the constant lights dotted throughout the leaf. Naruto caught his breath, noting how the sky was lighter from when he initially set out but without a watch or clock nearby he couldn’t be sure how long he was running for.

“Seems like a strange time to be running,” a rough voice mused behind him, sandy and low yet strong despite the way his tone was like the desert’s wind. Like a gust brushing against reddened cheeks as it stung the skin but carried the soothing cool of a much needed reprieve from the constant heat, sudden and startling but not unwelcome. Naruto turned around, back straight as a knife, blue eyes wider than saucers with his brows raised up high. His lips were parted, a gasp paused in his throat as a guttural stop of breath. Short red hair glinted in the light, sea foam eyes staring out at Naruto, strong lean arms exposed from under his plain black shirt were folded over each other as the Kazekage leaned out of the window to eye his blonde friend.

“Ah... Gaara, what are you doing here?” he asked between pants, the jinchūriki lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe at his blushing face. How could not notice his own friend? He thought he was better than that, or at least improved enough to sense those around him. His guard was down too much, Naruto realized to himself, eyes briefly unfocusing as he started thinking about training and what to do next. Improve, he had to improve, if he didn’t then what was the point of working to become Hokage if he couldn’t constantly improve? Staying still wasn’t an option, was never an option, could never be an option.

“That’s what I should be asking you,” Gaara’s reply was dry and bland despite the small quirk to his lips imperceptible to most people. Azure eyes swiveled back to the Kazekage, lashes blinking rapidly to clear the fog in his head, the pounding pace of his thoughts. Those sea green eyes stared deep into Naruto, their trail moving up and down his tawny body before resting on his face with a piercing intensity that felt like his skin was being peeled away to reveal his soul. Almost automatically, Naruto’s hand pulled his shirt down, covering his stomach back up in aims of hiding the spot where the Fourth sealed away the Nine Tailed Fox. Sometimes it was easy to read Gaara, Naruto able to understand him implicitly in a way no one else could. But other days it was a struggle, Gaara’s face was closed off to the world with an air of permanent exhaustion from the bags weighing heavy under his eyes. And yet despite the air of tiredness, there was that look of complete and utter focus, like Gaara could read the leaf Shinobi as if he were an open book. He probably could, Naruto considered it for a second, what he must look like to the Kazekage. “This is the room I’m staying in for the exams... why are you here?”

Shaking, he was shaking, tremors rocking his hands and making them quiver like grass during a windstorm. He must’ve looked like a mess. Ruffled hair, blown dilated pupils, his own eyes heavy and dark from lack of sleep. His cheeks had to be flushed, red and pink from the sting of wind scratching against sweat slick skin. Wild, Naruto felt wild standing before Gaara’s casual air of calm. A wild, feral mess. It took too long, he knew it, he knew Gaara knew it too, before a fake bright shaky smile crossed his face, Naruto laughing from his throat but not his heart or chest. His arms crossed in front of him, trying to distance himself from someone, anyone, noticing he wasn’t okay. That Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage, determined knucklehead ninja... needed help, needed someone to lean on in the attempts of being saved because for once he couldn’t save himself just by working hard.

“I was just training,” he laughed, hoping the slight metallic din to the noise was missed by his friend. “Guess I got so into it I didn’t even realize where I was going anymore. Ah, but don’t tell the Granny, she and Sakura would probably kill me if they knew that I was out this late.” He let out another laugh, this one more nervous than anything at the idea of Sakura’s monstrous strength she inherited from Lady Tsunade. He’d taken one too many punches from the pink haired medical genius... and he didn’t care to take any more. “Did I wake you up?”

“No,” Gaara replied after a weighty pause, tilting his head with a gentle gaze. There was something warm about him, a softness to his face while he watched Naruto, eyes the color of pastel drawings of the seaside at dawn. And yet despite the way his softened features looked inviting, there was still an edge to him, to the way he held his body as if eternally prepared for an enemy attack. The way of the ninja so strongly ingrained that even in the presence of sudden companionship, Gaara was not able to wipe away the calculating edge needed from a top Shinobi. Exposed, wholly and entirely before the Kazekage and his sharp eyes that took in everything about Naruto. “I was already awake.”

Another pause. Longer now. Gaara tilted his head again. Exposed.

Gaara knew, deeply, implicitly that Naruto was not okay. That the blonde haired ninja didn’t just work out at who knows what time at night, maybe even edging on morning. That he didn’t make a habit of moonlit runs, that it wasn’t common for him to stand outside of someone’s window to catch his breath. Something flickered over Gaara’s features, his eyes flashing under the moon, lips twitching slightly, the mildest minute tick to his hairless brows. There was a spark, and Naruto knew he was caught under the impassive, steady gaze. And then he spoke. “I was just about to prepare some tea, want to join me?”

“I don’t... what if granny finds out,” Naruto chewed his lips, glancing away from Gaara to eye the simple walls of the hotel. He shifts, tapping the toe of his shoe against the grooved siding of the over hanging roof sloping out from under Gaara’s window.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” his voice was plain and easy as he stepped away from the window to silently invite Naruto inside. The way he looked at Naruto, easy, stable, like he wasn’t the Kazekage and the blonde wasn’t still some insignificant genin. Like they did this every time Gaara had to come to the leaf and Naruto wasn’t gone for years training under one of the Legendary Sannin. “You saved my life, we’re friends after all. I’m certain it’s fine.”

“Then...” Naruto chuckled nervously again, scratching the back of his head, a sheepish quirk he never seemed to be able to get rid of, “I guess if the Kazekage is okay with it... Sure. I guess I will, your siblings won’t mind right?”

Gaara smiled softly, gently at Naruto, a shake of his head the silent response. There was such an easiness between them, Gaara offering the blonde an olive branch, a way out. A means to receive help without asking for it like he knew how it was to ask for it too, as if he just looked at Naruto and knew exactly what was plaguing his mind. As if he knew the demons in Naruto’s mind intimately without even needing to speak. It was a breath of relief. Naruto simply jumped inside, swinging his leg over the edge to slip into Gaara’s room, the young genin easily shucking off his shoes to slip into plain socks. He followed his friend inside, quiet with a tilt to head, eyes roving everywhere as he inspected the hotel, looking any and every where other than at Gaara. He flopped down, seating himself on the low couch at the Kazekage’s instruction. His friend walked away to step into the attached kitchen, boiling water and the scrapes of whisking bubbling into the air, creating a nice soothing noise the blonde could normally relax to if not for the way his anxiety edged his waking nerves.

Blue eyes stayed focused on the redhead’s back, his hands clasped as he watched Gaara with a thoughtful look. His mind rushed to the last time they were this close, it was barely a few weeks back when Gaara was offering his hand for Naruto to shake right before the leaf ninja, who were sent to retrieve him, left Sunagakure. A brief flutter of panic rose in his chest, the memory of Gaara’s dead body... just 15 years old, so cold. How he started losing control right after... the sheer amount of rage pumping through him because he couldn’t handle the fact that his friend was dead and it was better to be furious than despondent. It was better, had to be better than drowning in a sea of tears and loneliness because the only person he ever met who truly understood him was dead. Because someone like Gaara, someone who was abused and abandoned and turned into a weapon, who wasn’t allowed to be a person because he was meant to be nothing more than a tool; was killed for just that. Naruto’s hands clenched, his sky blue eyes glaring daggers into the ground. The shaking was starting again, Naruto split between memories of losing Gaara, how often he lost control, and the sheer unfairness of it all, not for his sake but for Gaara’s. A whisper of “monster” echoed in the back of his head, Naruto slipping his hands into pockets of his tracksuit jacket, hands clasped tightly, knuckles white like the pallid gauntness dulling skin with fear and anxiety.

“You haven’t been sleeping lately,” his attention was drawn over to the source of the rough voice, Naruto blinking at Gaara with rapid flutters of his sandy eyelashes. He keep on spacing out, even in the presence of a close friend his brain was forever loud and raucous. Azure eyes drowned under the abyss of black, Naruto’s pupils dilating, brows furrowing as cheeks flushed with startled red. Somehow, while shocked Naruto looked even more exhausted, the bags weighing his eyes down with 100 tons, the ghostly ashiness despite embarrassment’s flush, how blue irises darkened and dulled under heavy brows and sunken skin. Even the minute tremors, the shakes, the rabbit like anxiety from sleepless nights. Gaara glanced over his shoulder, watching Naruto’s silence, taking him all with his frosty eyes. “I can tell. I’m an unfortunate expert in insomnia.”

Naruto opened his mouth, lips parting as he prepared to reply. He was okay, he was. He just needed to do some more training so he could handle his shit and not endanger anyone close to his heart ever again. He was fine, he was fine, he was— “You don’t have to lie to me, Naruto. I can tell you’ve been having nightmares.”

“I—” his breath stalled and stuttered, Naruto blinking at Gaara again before a small chuckle left him. Of course he had him pegged, of course he knew. Of course, without Naruto having to say anything, without even needing to vocalize a single thought, Gaara had him pegged. Pinned down. Hit the bullseye. “I’m not that good at hiding these things, I guess. You could see right through me. Some Shinobi I am... no wonder I’m still a genin.”

Naruto’s comment hung heavy in the air, neither of them saying anything as the blonde tapped the leg of the coffee table with his foot. Silent. Completely silent minus the burble of water boiling and the low thrum of the refrigerator so easy to forget as it slipped into a soothing background. He rolled his shoulders back, pursing his lips. It was so late into the night, or so early in the morning depending on who you asked. Any reservations he had, any walls, they were all gone and completely eradicated from his exhaustion. Naruto felt so tired, so old beyond his earthly years. The near sleepless nights weighing heavy on his psyche and dragging him down. But there was an upside, there had to be an upside... maybe that feeling, that terror, was just like mental training weights. Once he got through the sludge, he’d be better, stronger. Not as susceptible to violent fits of mind numbing, uncontrollable Nine Tailed Fox rage.

“That’s not it,” Gaara voiced simply with a shake of his head, his red hair bouncing lightly as it drew the attention of blue eyes. “You look like how I used to feel.”

“Like hell warmed over?” A dry laugh bubbled out of Naruto, the jinchūriki raising a calloused hand to run through his blonde hair. “It’s been a little over a week since these... I don’t think I can call them dreams but... if this is what you went through for years I think I get it a little bit more now. How you felt; the exhaustion, sleeplessness, the—” _helplessness_ “Yeah, it sucks.”

No words, no comment, just a simple nod as a reply, the movement drawing a small smirk from Naruto’s face. He was never going to get tired of this, of the way he and Gaara could simply communicate silently. There was no one in the leaf who would describe Naruto as “quiet” even less in the other villages, especially after his first Chūnin exam. Uzumaki Naruto was loud, scatter brained and a knuckle head. He was bold and brash like the village fool but so determined in his ways he wound his way back into idiot hero, but he wasn’t _quiet_. And yet, sitting on Gaara’s couch at ass o’clock in the morning, when the sky was dark as it edged between midnight and dawn, he was quiet. So quiet, thoughtful. For once Naruto didn’t feel the need to fill in the silence around him, to speak loudly and boldly with all his chest in attempts run away from the soul crushing tendrils of loneliness creeping from quiet shadows.

“And to think you already understand so much,” Gaara mused lightly, a smooth hum thrumming from his throat. A small snort escaped the blonde jinchūriki, Naruto bouncing his shoulder against Gaara’s again, the corners of his lips turning up in a small but real smile. It was nice to be distracted from his thoughts, to have someone to focus on. Tawny calloused hands twitched, Naruto quelling the need to get up, to reach out and hold Gaara’s, holding down the way he wanted to hold the Kazekage in his arms and just... float. He barely stopped himself, letting himself shakily flop back instead as Naruto waited for Gaara to finish the tea preparations.

The Kazekage looked at Naruto, foamy eyes glittering like sea glass with a hint of something sharp, assessing. His eyes flickered, darting away from Naruto’s face before returning back, the movement so quick the blonde nearly missed it. Their eyes met, Naruto looking up to meet soft eyes. When he looked away, Naruto could have sworn he saw the ghost of a smile quirking Gaara’s lips, the lightest dusting of a blush adding a rosiness to his tawny complexion at the sight of the soft look. Gaara was so different now from when Naruto initially met him, he was softer despite the presence of the blank and impassive mask on his face, the steely look to his eyes still firmly in place but not as cruel and cold as it used to be back when they first met. He intimidated the hell out of other people, the absolute lack of anything on his face enough to disturb the most hardened Shinobi. But Naruto... he could see them, the cracks, the slips in his mask, the way softness edged his expression just so. He was gentle, gentler at least. Being Kazekage suited Gaara because even though he was once so ruthless and cruel, bloodthirsty when they first met, now he was kind and warm. Naruto couldn’t help but watch him, head tilted, neck craned to watch the small expression on the red head’s face.

Tawny cheeks warmed up slightly, azure trailing and tracking up and down pale skin. He never noticed it before, or at least never had the chance to notice it, but Gaara furrowed his hairless brows whenever he was thinking and making a choice, his head bowed as he stir the pot. Naruto quelled the need to touch Gaara, to smooth down the furrow because that was the top crack in his mostly pristine mask. Not for the first time Naruto wondered what Gaara was like without his mask, how he would look without any inhibitions. Wondered how soft his smile would be, if his frosted, glass like eyes would turn soft like sea foam. Wondered how a smile, bright and true would on Gaara’s face, if his lips would get any— Crystalline blue eyes blinked, Naruto’s eyes virtually boring a hole into Gaara’s back with an unblinking, unfocused gaze; almost as if he were a puppet completely unaware of himself. It felt like he was in a trance, his brain fuzzy and blurred from near sleepless nights and the sudden burn of guilt and shame twisting his stomach into tightly braided knots.

“What would you like to eat?” Gaara called out as if sensing Naruto’s distress, Naruto wondering if he could. If their minds meshed so well that when together, alone, there was no need for words but simple acknowledgement.

“Anything you want, I’m not picky,” Naruto voiced quietly, glancing over to where Gaara was only for his eyes to land on the bent over Kazekage, face flushing. His eyes dart away, looking up at the dappled ceiling. “I-Iruka-sensei has described me as a bottomless pit, I can eat anything. Except for maybe vegetables, I’m still not a fan of them.” A bashful chuckle escaped the blonde, pointer finger scratching his cheek lightly in embarrassment that his palate was still fairly juvenile. Gaara replied with a noncommittal hum small and light like the briefest wisp of wind on a crisp fall’s evening; the sound of a finger tapping on wood knocking into the air.

“Senbei should be good,” he mused, looking into the cabinet at the bag of assorted rice crackers. “You know, the white ones are my favorite.”

“Really? I like the dark pink ones.”

Naruto huffed a laugh, shaking his head, he never would’ve guessed that Gaara’s favorite flavor of rice cracker was soy sauce, but it seemed to fit. Simple, plain at first, but always a favorite. Something good that just fits and goes with everything. A comfort in trying times. It suited Gaara almost too perfectly, the thought drawing a smile across Naruto’s face. The red head straightened out in time to see the smile, frosted green landing on the blonde’s tawny face as the corners of his eyes crinkled, soft cheeks round and high, his expression was growing more and more natural, genuine. If Naruto didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought there was a flush on Gaara’s face, but then he blinked and the rose petal softness was gone as it were never there to begin with. A trick of the light, like he wanted to see something where there was nothing.

“Y-yeah, they’re pretty good!” he stuttered, voice a little too loud, too artificial, for his liking as he started laughing at his statement like it was the funniest joke in the world. There was too long of a pause, Gaara quirking an invisible brow at the sudden silence from his blonde companion. He could feel it, the way his face heated up, the pulse under his collar. In attempt to save face, Naruto looked away to the bamboo floor beneath his feet. Maybe it was the late night, maybe it was being alone with Gaara for the first time since they met, but the redhead was drawing out emotions from Naruto so strangely gentle and warm he could hardly recognize them as his. The blonde’s mind turned to static, lips pursed as blunt teeth dug into the swell, hands slipping into the pocket of his jacket as long jogger clad legs stretched out with crossed ankles.

“Here,” Naruto startled out of his stupor, glazed eyes blinking rapidly at the sight of a green clay cup filled with steaming tea grasped in a pale hand. Pale cheeks flushed red, Gaara twitching at the way Naruto jolted into awareness. “The uh... tea’s done...”

“Ah thanks...” he reached up, taking the cup from the Kazekage’s hand before idly watching him place the bowl full of senbei onto the squat coffee table. Gaara took a piece as he settled down next to him, their shoulders brushing together on the small two seater couch.

It was silent in the sparse hotel suite. Not a breath of words fluttering between them but Naruto could feel the warmth radiating from Gaara, it wasn’t overpowering or oppressive. It wasn’t too much or too little, it was simply something he could hang onto. A presence he could just welcome into his space and cling to without feeling like he’s asking too much or receiving too much. His calloused pinky twitched, fingers quirking slightly, his hand making a short, brief aborted movement. There was a need Naruto had to force down, the need to simply reach out, the desire to merely hold Gaara’s hand and twine their fingers together. He buried his desire under the way he reached out to grab the deep fried rice crackers, snacking on them lightly without any of the gusto so commonly expected of him. Four pieces were consumed before Naruto stopped, his other hand reaching out to grab his cup of tea, draining it lightly. He swirled the contents in his clay mug, watching the tea slosh and swirl with the dregs of leaves kicking up in a clouded dust. His head fell against Gaara’s shoulder, Naruto settling against his friend with a small noise, hooded blue eyes staring deep into the cup as if the murky green beverage would the answer to his sleepless plight.

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet, Naruto,” Gaara piped up, his body so warm next to Naruto’s. He turned, eyes darting to look deep into the blonde’s, hairless brows drew together, a silent invitation echoing deep within those sea glass eyes. “Talk to me.”

“You don’t want to know,” Naruto grumbled, shoulders rising as he tried to tuck his face into the collar of his shirt and jacket, trying to hide away from that piercing delving gaze. A shiver ran down his skin, he felt exposed under those steady sturdy eyes. “Just some stupid memories, I’ll be fine in a few days, believe it.”

“You shouldn’t lie like that you know,” Gaara huffed an irritated sigh, hot air puffing from his nose. The corner of his lips folded and dipped lower, a frown marring Gaara’s normally blank but pretty face. He leaned over, staring at Naruto deeply, something hard and unyielding taking over his expression. “Talk to me, Naruto.”

His tongue weighed heavy in his mouth, Naruto’s jaw clenching and unclenching as he shifted it around, lips pursed again. He ducked his head further, hiding it in his jacket in attempts to avoid the hard gaze. Excuses were on the tip of his tongue, wanting to deflect and tell the Kazekage that he didn’t get it. That he couldn’t understand, that he had no idea what he was talking about. Silence weighed heavy in the room, heavier than the full moon in the sky that pushed through the window as it cast a thick silvery curtain into Gaara’s bedroom, creeping into the living room beyond where the two companions sat. Everything felt like it weighed several tons, his tongue, his limbs, his calloused fingers. Naruto shook his head not wanting to think about it, about the visions edging the corner of his mind, how the choking smell of sulfur, blood and smoke twisted together in a thick miasma of death that threatened to drag him an bottomless abyss of inky black shadows. He looked up, wanting to ask Gaara not to make him relive his night terrors before every word in his throat stuttered to a cold halt.

Naruto had never seen Gaara’s face so open, worry radiated from his soft face. His brows drawn, lips parted, eyes swirling with tenderness and care. His pale eyes that were so often closed off to many like glass, gave way like seawater under the gentle touch of sky blue softness. Naruto’s defenses fell, shoulders drooping as he left himself go. He sighed long and low, running a hand through spiked messy blonde hair, scratching lightly at his scalp in attempts to soothe himself, before letting his eyes inch up higher to look back at Gaara. Their gazes met again, the air charged with something Naruto couldn’t quite name, the hairs on his body rising in waves as a tremor crawled up his spine with chilling heat inspired by the meshing of their eyes rather than fear riddled insomnia. Electricity crackled in the air, something about the moment too much for Naruto to handle, forcing himself to look away with a stutter of a breath, heart pounding, blood rushing under the collar of his shirt and jacket. He let his head flop against Gaara’s shoulder, not wanting to look into the all encompassing sea foam gaze that drew him in like the tide drew in shells, pulling them back down into deep warm swirling depths. It was unfair to even try and say that Gaara of all people wouldn’t understand, he was probably the one person in the world who truly understood what it was like to be in Naruto’s shoes. To lose control, to be filled with fear, to know what it was like to feel trapped in both mind and body. Naruto had only been experiencing the night terrors for a few days, if anything he was finally fully understanding what Gaara had been feeling. He’d be worse than a fool to deny him his own experiences, he’d be cruel.

“I... I don’t...” he started, stumbling over his tongue as he tried to parse through his own thoughts. “I hope you never see the dead body of someone you l...” he swallowed down his words, those four letters barely suppressed on his tongue. “Someone you care about.”

He sighs, feeling panic rise in his chest, a dark crushing weight in his chest as his lungs were squeezed in tight grip. Naruto’s calloused hands clenched again, tremors quaking them like as his his veins were fault lines and his skin was filled with raucous tectonic plates. “Taking you away from that Akatsuki bastard only to find your body cold... so cold.” His eyes clenched shut, tears gathering in the corner as he remembered lifting Gaara’s stone dead body, holding him in his arms. It was as if life never existed in him. “I never felt so scared before. You were gone, and there was nothing, nothing I could do to help you. Because you were already gone. I thought...”

Gaara reached over, watching the way Naruto’s nails dug into the rough skin of his calloused palms, he pulled the tawny one into his lap, azure eyes following the movement. Tanned skin warm against pale ones, his fingers gripping onto Gaara’s hand with white knuckles, as if the Kazekage was his final life line. Naruto’s voice was getting thick, throat choking and closing up with emotions he never voiced to anyone. His jaw clicked as he tried to find the right words, his mind slipping into deep sorrows that dragged beneath a swirling whirlpool of despondent emotions. He was shaking like a leaf against the redhead, shoulders quaking, hand trembling between rough pale ones.

Quiet, almost like a whisper of terror. His lips parted, voice trembling in the air. His throat was raw, voice cracking like crunching glass beneath a boot. “I thought... I thought that you were gone forever Gaara. I couldn’t handle it. You were just... are so young, and everyone has been so cruel to you, you deserved so much better.” Naruto didn’t realize he was crying until warm fingers brushed against his heated cheek, wiping away tears so gently his heart clenched, more coming to his eyes. The gentle touch was too much for him to handle Naruto tucking his face into Gaara’s neck. A low sob escaped him, hand clutching Gaara’s tightly he could feel his nails start to dig into the sand armor. “I never, never want to see that again. Please. Don’t leave me like that again... I was so scared, and then I was so full of so much rage I felt like I was drowning. I... I couldn’t breathe.”

Tears continued to stream down his face, dampening the redhead’s shirt, but Naruto couldn’t bring himself to care. His head was spinning, temples pounding. Everything felt so far away, the world imploding and exploding in shifting swirls as his world tilted on its axis. Gaara was the only stability he could afford, Naruto clutching onto him like a child clutched a teddy bear close. Like the blonde Shinobi was one push away from completely falling apart and crumbling into fragile shards of glass. Rough, tender hands rubbed up and down Naruto’s back before warm palms came up to cup the jinchūriki’s face, thumb wiping away the blotchy tracks of tears. Naruto didn’t dare open his eyes, scared of being judged, it was unbecoming of a Shinobi to show much emotion, something which Gaara had down pat. He felt so inadequate, a sobbing genin held in the arms of a Kage, reliving events that were better left to the past. His ears perked up, listening to Gaara shift next him, fabric rustling as he moved, Naruto flinching at the noise.

He wondered, what was Gaara up to, what was he going to do. The blonde’s pulse picked up, blood rushing with shame and anxiety. Trembling, shaking in Gaara’s hold, tears stinging his cheeks. Bloodshot puffy eyes creaked open in time to see the Kazekage lean in to kiss his cheeks, brush away his tears. Sand slipped away, opening so gentle lips, warm and dry kissed away the burning wetness. Naruto’s heart shattered in his chest, fragments splintering out from his ribcage in thin slices of pain. Here Gaara was, so gentle, so sweet, kind and open as he gently cared for Naruto, every touch sending shivers crawling up and down his spine every gentle kiss to his cheeks warming his heart to its core. It should’ve been cruel, to be touched so kindly by someone who suffered so much at the cruel hands of fate. Everything was too much for him, tawny hands gripping onto the black fabric of a loose shirt. Their faces were so close, all either of them had to do was lean forward, just lean in a little bit. Naruto could see every aspect of those sea foam eyes, there was just the slightest weaving of iridescent blue in those eyes, making them looking even more like frosted panels of frozen water. Why had he never seen it before, the meshing of pastel watery colors deep in those soft irises. “Gaara...”

“Don’t.” And then those warm lips were pressed against Naruto’s. It was just a simple touch, their lips brushing together in a soft caress. Neither one moving for more, despite the way Gaara gently thumbed over the jinchūriki’s whiskered cheeks, how Naruto continued to white knuckle his shirt. Despite the way their bodies pressed and leaned against each other, the touch of their lips was chaste and warm before Gaara slipped away to press their foreheads together. “You don’t have to worry... you’ll never lose me again.”

“But Gaara... what if I lose myself?” his voice was no louder than a whisper of wind running through the brush, his words so small, so light. Gaara had to lean in to catch them, still cupping Naruto’s strong jaw, his touch lighter than sand yet softer than silk. “What if...”

“So it’s started happening to you, huh?” he murmured, recognizing the haunted terrified look in Naruto’s eyes, the deep depths swirling with a hurricane of emotions: fear, self loathing, and true soul crushing terror that consumed him from the inside out. Looking into Gaara’s eyes Naruto knew that the former jinchūriki saw a little of himself in Naruto’s expression, recognized feelings he himself had been subjected to ever time he looked in the mirror to stare at the bags weighing his foamy eyes down. Haunted look of a blurred reflection wondering when he’d next lose control, if he’d ever come back, if he was becoming more monster than human. Gaara gave in when the world turned its back on him and thrust him into unforgiving darkness, and despite all the light surrounding Naruto, it was becoming harder and harder for him to hold on. His emotions were too wild, too demanding. Something like true unbridled rage would only consume the blonde until nothing was left but the Nine Tailed Fox’s lust for blood and destruction.

“I’ve started hurting people, Gaara, people I’m close to,” Naruto replied, forehead dropping to rest on Gaara’s collarbone, hands digging into the Kazekage’s waist. “Iruka-sensei, the Pervy Sage... even Sakura. I just... don’t want you to become one of them too... you’ve been through so much betrayal and I... I— I can’t! I can’t hurt you too.”

“You won’t.”

The way Gaara said those words, so resolute, so determined. His undaunted will set on his path, words firm and strong like an eternal handhold that Naruto could reach out and grab. A chuckle left the tired jinchūriki, arms wrapping around Gaara’s waist as he let his head simply flop forward, hugging the Kazekage close. “You sound so sure of yourself... how can you know, Gaara? What if one day I lose it and you... I’m just so tired of hurting my friends.”

“And now you’re having nightmares of hurting them again,” Gaara mused as he tugged on blonde locks, wanting the jinchūriki to look up at him. “If there’s one thing I know about you Naruto, is that once you set your mind to it you never give up. It’s what many people admire about you. But as someone who’s lived through it... it’s okay to be scared. For those years after I met you, I was scared the Shukaku would take over, that I would fall back to murderous rage. I still do, I can’t sleep peacefully at night knowing what I did in my youth. But I knew I couldn’t let him take over again... because of you.” He looked deep into Naruto’s eyes, the blonde not feeling like a genin alone with a Kazekage, not feeling like someone losing it at the edge of his wits. Just a friend helping a friend out. No... more than that. Naruto could see it Gaara’s eyes, the deep loving care in them that drew him in and soothed his soul, the way they glinted. “You inspired me to become better, to get better and find support in those who cared for me. Let me do the same for you, you’re not weak Uzumaki Naruto for needing someone to support you.”

A pause, the two simply staring at each other as a clock quietly ticked in the back with the thrum of the refrigerator. Naruto stared at Gaara, Gaara staring back as he brushed his thumb over the soft skin of Naruto’s cheek. He smiled, week and feeble at his friend’s words. “When did you get so wise?”

“When I decided to live for the people around me rather than just myself,” another pause, Gaara leaning in slightly, Naruto doing the same. Their noses were touching, lips just barely brushing as Gaara spoke. “You’re one of those people, Naruto.”

 _“Please.”_ That word, that one single word held so much meaning. Please, don’t go. Please, stay. Please, kiss me again. Love me. Hold me. Please, please, please.

Their lips met again, Gaara yielding to the pleading look Naruto knew he had in his eyes. They moved in slow languid strokes, the taste of honeyed salt on Gaara’s tongue paired with something refreshing and cool like the desert’s breeze. He was warm against Naruto, warm and welcoming with calloused hands that carded through blonde locks. Rough hands that slid under the back of Naruto’s jacket to trace his spine with a feather light touch. Naruto felt like he was drowning in the best of ways, his own hands mirroring Gaara’s as they simply touched each other with loving hands. Blunt teeth biting down on Naruto’s bottom one, Gaara sucking on it lightly as he drew a small noise of approval from the blonde. Closer, their bodies pressed closer, Naruto licking into Gaara’s warm mouth as he threaded his strong fingers into short red hair. They fell over, pale hands holding Naruto’s broader tanner body as if he were something precious and dear, something good and pure, something worthy of unconditional love. He stared deep into those foamy eyes, the sky reflecting the ocean is a gentle ebb and flow of affection, the frothing of the sea finally meeting and touching the gentle caress of the bright sky above. Pants puffed into the air, Naruto licking his lips to chase the warm, gentle taste that edged the corners.

The only person he ever kissed before was Sasuke, on accident. He always thought his first kiss would go to a girl, or rather his second after that fateful accident when they were assigned team numbers and members. But this... this was better than he expected, better than he dreamed. Being kissed and held like he was worth something more than just being a vessel for a monster. Looked at like he was a precious loved one. Spoken to with such tender, gentle affection that his heart ached and his head clouded with nothing but gratefulness and adoration. He didn’t want to go, not when he felt this normal in his own skin, this seen, this whole for the first time since he hurt one of oldest best friends. Staring into Gaara’s eyes he could believe that he wouldn’t harm the sand Shinobi, he could believe that maybe he’d be able to weather the storm. Knowing that someone was in his corner, that his feelings didn’t make him crazy despite the way he could still feel insomniac tremors shaking his body as he held himself above the redhead. A rough palm slipped away from his blonde locks, moving instead to cup his jaw, Naruto leaning into the warmth with a quiet sigh and a yawn. He was emotionally and physically exhausted, being so close to someone so warm, feeling peaceful for the first time at night in nearly a week.

“Stay the night?” A quiet sigh, Naruto pressing into the hand on his cheek more, nearly falling over into the touch. He nodded once, blinking his eyes open, wondering how this happened but not caring to stare a gift horse in the mouth. Luck was always on his side it seemed, being alone with Gaara like this was more than lucky.

“Your siblings won’t mind?” he asked back, not at all wanting to leave.

“They’re in their own rooms,” Gaara replied, pushing up to prompt his companion to get up and do the same. “Temari and Kankuro claim I’m too loud when I make tea, so they like sleeping off by themselves. Stay.”

Naruto nodded his head once, getting up off the redhead, eyes landing back on soft lips for the briefest of seconds. Gaara grabbed his hand, tugging him along as the two padded over to the sparse but well furnished bedroom, the bedspread soft and lavish for whoever stayed in the room. His jacket slipped off broad shoulders, Naruto hanging the garment on a brass colored handle. He flopped onto the bed next to Gaara, yawn creaking his jaw as he ran his hand over his face, eyes still puffy from crying but his chest feeling lighter, freer. Naruto tucked his head under the crook of Gaara’s jaw, arms automatically moving to hold the redhead like he was his personal body pillow. The thumps of Gaara’s heartbeat thrummed against Naruto’s ear, his body relaxing automatically at the soothing rhythmic lull. A warm hand brushed up and down his back, trailing up to scratch against his scalp. No good night words were shared. There was no noise other than the soft puffs of air slowly drawing out into snore as the night waned on and the sun inched into the sky, inky purple blending into warm tones of oranges and yellows, the slightest pink edging the clouds.

There was something so soothing about just being able to hold someone close. To feel like if anyone came in Naruto would be there to protect the one in his arms, and that he would be protected back. For once no nightmares clawed the at the corners of his sleeping mind, no demons, no shadowy monsters wearing his face and speaking with his distorted voice. Naruto slept completely at peace, holding someone dear to him in his arms. And Gaara got the fullest night’s sleep he’d ever gotten in his life. When the sun drew higher, it’s golden rays creeping in, sand reached out to draw the curtains shut, Naruto petulantly tucking himself further against Gaara before the scrunch of his nose smoothed back out into something peace and sleepy.

Unbeknownst to the two sleeping companions, a woman with messy blonde pigtails stood outside, her brother beside her as they peeled into the window, a silent message passed between the siblings before they jumped away with a chuckle.

“So we’re letting him sleep in today?”

“Oh maliciously.”


End file.
